Saturday, July 2: "It has been such a long day. Benita woke us up around 7:45. Soon Kenia was also at the window. If they hadn't come, we probably wouldn't have gotten up for Visitation Day... We walked over to the dorm and helped the girls get ready- putting on shoes and underwear and tying dresses. We went to the gate where all the kids were waiting for their parents and buying pancakes and juice. We bought some for the little ones... After awhile, different classes came out to perform. They were so cute... After the baby class went, Patrick, Kristin, and I left to go to the Visitation Day at the secondary school where they've sent three girls... I loved the school and feel very good about the girls getting sent there after Bright Hope... When we pulled into the gate, Benita was waiting with her mom and Paul. Apparently she talked to her mom about me. She told her mom she had a muzungo and made her mom wait for me to get back before she could leave... She thanked me for loving her daughter so much... I took Benita to the soccer field where there was a huge game of staff vs. students. The parents and kids were gathered around shouting and cheering. I loved it... Now we're getting ready for bed and packing for Kampala. I explained to Benita where we were going and why. She told me 'See you Monday' and that she loved me so much."
Wednesday, July 6: "One of the best parts of today was our trip to the village. As we got in sight, Sachi and Brian ran down the road. Sachi ran into Kristin's arms and Brian into mine. Best greeting ever. The other little boy I love, Sadam, played in my lap and held my hand everywhere we went. Every time we go to the village I leave happier... We talked to some older girls about us leaving next week. They all said they will cry a lot and that if they missed us for two days while we were in Kampala, then saying goodbye will be even harder. I don't think they have any idea how much this will hurt us."
Saturday, July 9: "Today was amazing. We woke up to chapati for breakfast- thanks to Patrick. Then we headed to the ostrich farm, and I drove the whole way. I'm getting better every time... When we got back, I found Benita sitting on the porch of the office, so I jumped out of the car to get her. She was sick today with stomachache. I took her to our room to give her Tums and good water. I could tell it was bad because all she would do is lay on me... We threw the kids a party during the evening. First we gave them cookies, juice, and a glow bracelet. Then we taught them the nerdiest dance moves... Then it was time for the pillow fight... Those pillows hurt... I feel closer to the kids and staff after today... I tucked Benita into bed- she now tells me she loves me instead of whining. About 15 minutes later, Patrick had finished setting up the electricity and TV in the church for a movie... I went to Benita's bed to see if she was awake only to find it empty. I started to walk back, and she came to me trying to put her dress on. I quickly dressed her, found her shoes, and threw her on my back... Paul found me and Benita to sit with. He's quickly becoming like my brother. I love him so much. He told me that neither him nor Benita had ever seen a movie. Benita only lasted about 10 minutes before falling asleep in my lap... I realized tonight that I don't trust You with her. I also realized that I will never be at peace until I do."
Monday, July 11: "I can't leave. I can't just drive away. I can't say goodbye... Benita is very very sick... After the village, Benita slept on me most of yesterday. She threw up too. I took her to see Austin and the nurse. She has malaria and worms. While she slept on my lap, she would start shivering, and nothing I could do would make her any warmer. She hasn't been eating- but tonight she finally ate all her matoke. I had to wake her up to bathe, and she begged me not to. She cried and shook while they bathed her. This morning I found her alone with her head down in her classroom. I carried her to the clinic for medicine. Her lips are now covered with sores. Austin said that is a sight of the malaria being severe which makes me so nervous."
Tuesday, July 12: "One of the reasons I'm so adamant about writing everyday is to remember. I don't want to forget, but I know that no matter how much I write, words will never be enough. Writing about my day won't let me relive it. Words won't be able to describe the feeling of being here. Words won't let me remember what it feels like holding Benita's hand or the sound of Sadam's laugh... I'm scared of forgetting, of only keeping certain memories, of forgetting the little things. Each moment has become so much more precious... The rest of the afternoon basically was laying on the porch. Benita and I fell asleep for awhile until she woke up crying and throwing a fit. I took her to the toilet, and she definitely has worms... I took her to the clinic three times today. The nurse asked if she was my best friend- I was proud to say yes... I look at her and feel pain. I can't believe tomorrow is my last day with her. I can't say goodbye to her. I tell her how much I love her at least every hour. Still isn't enough."
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