"True peace is not merely the absence of tension: it is the presence of justice." -Martin Luther King Jr.
My eyes are being opened to the darkness around me. For so long I've closed my eyes and plugged my ears like a child, aimlessly going through life not truly facing the injustices of this world. I would recognize them but not let them impact me, and I would continue on with my life. The past week God broke my heart and redirected my thoughts to those suffering. It hurt so badly. Images were constantly in my mind, and it was like I was hurting with them. I spent most of the week in states of frustration, tears, and helplessness. As thoughts of sex trafficking, child soldiers, war, etc. filled my head, I was left wandering where I fit into this picture. Listening to the ocean as I fell asleep each night lost its sweetness. I would look out at the ocean and wonder who was on the opposite shore looking back at me. I struggled with feeling absolutely powerless to wanting to carry the world on my shoulders (in the end, God is the one with the power and strong enough to carry the world). I began questioning God about why He put me at this school, why I sleep in a bed while others don't, why I'm spending time and effort studying for a test about art or the 1800's. The questions went on and on. I still haven't gotten any answers.
God provides in ways I cannot understand. He is moving even when I can't see. I'm in waiting, no matter how much I fight it. He has me here now for a reason and will take me where He needs me. God is just. He sees the sufferings occurring over the world. By no means am I going back to the eyes closed and ears plugged. I can't. It's impossible. This is just the beginning. I want God to continue breaking me. I'm learning to trust Him. I don't want to forget that there are bigger things going on around me. I want to grow and God is using this pain I'm feeling to do that.
To end my week, I stood with my feet in the ocean in the middle of the night and knew God was taking care of whoever was looking back at me miles away.
