Tonight as I made my way across campus back to my apartment I realized something. I generally make this walk every night, but there was something different about tonight. Silence. The campus was silent. I couldn't even hear the waves from the ocean. And after a long, tiring day, my mind was finally silent. The negative images and thoughts were no longer rustling through my head. Tonight on my walk I was reminded of what peace feels like.
Maybe I should let you all in on my day a little bit. I was dreading today for awhile. Today is my friend's birthday. Sadly, he isn't with us to celebrate birthdays anymore. I am reminded of him daily, but today everything seemed to be intensified. Let's just say I've spent a good amount of today with tears running down my face or doing my best to distract myself from thinking. My brain would not slow down. I went to chapel twice today and found myself struggling to worship and focus on the messages. I even had more trouble than usual sitting still. I was not resting in the peace of Christ and ultimately not fixing my eyes on Him.
I believe that you allow Christ to live through you. I began feeling His peace and stillness not during church but when I was with my friends. I know they want Jesus to shine through them and I know they love me. As I walked home in the silence, I was reassured that God wants me here. Although this year has been my hardest, it has also been my most rewarding. Through everything, I have grown closer to Jesus. I have learned to trust Him. I have been blessed to make some amazing friends here who I can grow with and learn from. I'm truly thankful for them daily. God has shown me His love and grace. I know that hard times are still to come. Life is never going to be easy and perfect, but after this year I know God is faithful and will never leave me. He will make beauty from ashes.
Happy Birthday CMS
10/6/89 - 01/28/10
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